As the months pass since Violet died and we create a new normal I’ve reflected on a few things that are different without her here. One of those is our bedtime routine, to help me to continue to remember (and not forget), I’ve documented it here…
A few years into Violets treatment bedtime became a massive challenge. After many late nights, discussions with doctors and a horrific experience with a psychiatrist, Violet was prescribed medication to help her wind down and get to sleep.
It wasn’t just medication, there was a process, routine, refined over time to help her sleep. The routine could then be followed if we were at home or hospital, familiarity in chaos.
It was a time of evening that was often frustrating because all I wanted to do was go to bed, checkout for the day, read and sleep. A few months before Violet passed I flipped my mindset; I knew Violet wasn’t always going to be here, this routine wasn’t forever.
1800 - Dinner
Bedtime routine actually started at dinner time around 6pm. We prioritise to eat together as a family. Each child has their preferred seating position at the table. We say grace with our simple prayer.
We also have an activity we call “Three Things”, it initially started to help drive conversation and focus on 3 good things that happened today, it’s since morphed into 3 things we’re grateful for. Violet was always the first to say her three things; almost to the point of forgetting to eat, so a rule was enforced that you had to have at least a mouthful of food before saying anything. Violet always had the first mouthful.
After dinner we’d usually sit to watch TV (pretty much the whole Marvel collection), some nights we’d play games (mostly May I, but other card and board games too).
1915 - Meds time
Over the years there were many, many medications Violet took. The common night time meds became:
- Bactrim - an antibiotic used as a prophylactic to help avoid bacterial infections
- Fluconozole - an antifungal used as a prophylactic to help avoid fungal infections
- Quetiapine - an antipsychotic to help calm her mind As simple as it sounds to swallow a couple of tablets, we learnt many things over the years:
- timing - too early and she’s asleep/awake early, too late and sleep is late too
- where to buy gelcaps to reducing the size (or avoid the taste) of some tablets
- how to help her swallow, what to say, how to pause
1920 - Dessert
Most nights we would have dessert. Ok, every night. Often this was an ice cream on a stick (often a Split, raspberry ice outer with ice cream center). If a spill of ice cream or chocolate occurred, it was likely Violet and she would need a tissue/other to clean it up. Every night, Violet was the one to collect our wrappers and sticks and take them to the bin (and wash her sticky hands 😀).
2005 - TV off
At 8:05 we had a light set to turn off, our indication to tell the kids to brush their teeth and go to bed. At this time, we’d also take Violet’s supper order….
2010 - Cheese Soldiers
A side effect of Quetiapine is it would give Violet the munchies. This was great because a lot of cancer treatments would cause Violet to loose her appetite and/or make her nauseous. This was challenging because tiredness had started and Violet had trouble deciding what to eat.
The drink of choice was easy. Warm milk.
The snacks varied. Cheese and crackers. Chicken Crimpies. BBQ Shapes. Apple slinky. Plain chips. Light and Tangy Chips. Generally, she’d get in the pattern of having something every night, we’d then stock up and she would change her mind 🤦🏽.
A regular she’d go back to was Cheese Soldiers. Toasted bread with melted sliced cheese on top, cut into 3 thin slices, WITH SALT!! Over time the method was adapted and perfected. Most nights she would have two slices of toast, but there were occasions were her appetite needed 4. Just at that point when I was settled in bed Violet would call out and ask for more, it was then a trek back up to the kitchen and make more.
2100 - Tuck in and sleep
At about 9pm Violet would call out to be tucked in. We’d give her a hug and kiss, say goodnight, pray, check her night light then turn on her lullaby’s which played all night.
2105 - Cheeky Monkey!
Every night she would trick me to come back because she had something to tell me. All she wanted was to say “mmmm Sloffeeeee”. The reason for this is I have a pair of pajamas that have a sloth on them holding a cup of coffee. But even if I wasn’t wearing those pajamas she’d still say it 🤣
My Sloffee pajamas were not the only ones Violet liked …. she liked my Bluey ones too. I don’t remember how we got to watching Bluey together, we were both a bit out of the age bracket, but one hospital visit we lay in bed together and watched a heap of episodes and laughed. Every now and again we’d watch a few more episodes, Violet would also watch some without me. I needed PJs and Coll for me a nice pair with Bluey on them, but my pj top went missing, Violet had repurposed it as a nightie!!! She was wearing that when she died 😢.